About Rosel Rodriguez

This is normal right? It’s more like




eerily close to starting a cold engine, that feeling you get when you hope it will start just fine. The parts aren’t new though, used parts




very used parts. It’s not supposed to hurt this much right? Shit my thoughts hurt




Is that odd? Try not to move too fast… we got to find out what’s hurting the most today.

Breath in… breath out… in … out. FOCUS listen to me, hear your body, hear yourself




now count


(breathe in)


1. Right foot… about a 3,


(breathe out, breathe in)


2. right knee abut a 2


(breathe out, breathe in)


3. Neck, a solid 4


(breathe out, breathe in)


4. Left knee a 6 … go figure almost no cartilage


(breathe out)


5. Left hand a 2, but that’s your fault and a good lesson learned twice.

Alright that all seems about normal, open your eyes, wait,… turn off all the noise, it’s like static, crumbling paper with people talking… damn it focus, “yuck” no more eating before bed, food never tastes good 3 hours later after not sleeping like the baby. You plan on sitting up today “OPEN YOUR EYES” …. fiiiine. Fuck, it’s daylight out,


(head turns from the windows)


the lines of light between the blinds are equivalent to that shit they put in your eyes to dilate them.


(sniff sniff)


aaaand you didn’t shower before bed… how did we forget that? Never mind that start your engine, go do a head count, Staaaaaand up, ohhhh fuck fu fu fu fuck misjudged the foot, don’t you falter, don’t you dare whimper.. WALK, get it going, if you lay down you, stay down… NOW walk… urragraaawr.




Nothing new, for Christ sake go brush your teeth… walk to the bathroom…


(turns on water, still kind of has one eye closed)


everything is loud today, the water is hissing, sounds like a pissed off snake.


11. The tooth brush sounds like a belt grinder on my teeth, let alone my wife bought me one of those vibrating tooth brushes, FOCUS… crap eyes are redder than usual, fucking little balls of fire in my my my, great we got a day where even my thoughts are stuttering. What’s new, get a shirt on, fucking stretch marks aren’t very complimenting in this light pfffft when was being that big ever complimenting. Now now no pity parties today, we are past that.




“What the FUCK”


(looks down at the ground with the feeling of wrath of god, inner monologue)


I told those little assholes to pick up their hair bows, and I stepped right on the fucking spot this is already a damn… stop, STOP… STOP FOCUS breath, breath.


That’s what you get for referring to those beautiful little devils as assholes, I guess so, I mean I know so, I mean I’m blessed with 4 girls, blessed? Did I just say blessed? Yea it’s going to be one of those days. Shut up! Can we get the shirt and make it out of the bathroom before we start to see what kind of day it is.


(yelling in a military manner)


“Jackie… BABE…” crap what time is it,


(looks at cell phone)


Oh, ya she is taking terrorist number 3 to school. “Hey Thor you need out buddy? Yea, yea? No, no? You’re really hard to read you know that, right?


(back to thought)


But then again you had Hunter and he kind of spoke for you. I am really fucking sorry pal, I’m so sorry, hold back the tears, stop, stop it, keep it together, Jackie will be back at any moment and you don’t need her seeing you still hurting about losing him. She worries about you, more than she should, more than she can carry, I was told in some fucked up psychology class that every man looks for a woman just like their mothers, funny she is so far from that. She recognizes pain, sees right through smiles and stands firm right through the pain. Shit eat some food before you get irritated, pfffft I still remember when she would have to keep snacks for me in her purse, pathetic. I should cook a healthy breakfast, need to beat this diabetes crap. Speaking of — I should take my insulin, fucked up how I got this, so many medications so many see effects, the docs assured me that it wasn’t the meds, we all know its bullshit, they don’t want another black eye, why should they worry both of them are swollen. Shit anyhow I wasn’t leading the healthiest of lifestyles. Oh right breakfast, hmmm couple of eggs and spinach should do. Get this food cooking, everything is still loud as fuck, so loud that I can hear the soft purring engine of her car pull into the driveway from across the house. As she hits the doorway I yell “Hey Babe, want some eggs?” Don’t know why I ask she loves breakfast it’s one of those special things those moments where she can remember what it’s like to be loved. She is tired those blue eyes don’t burn as fierce anymore, but they still burn brighter than most drones that walk around. She sits down with all of her womanly curves following each other complementing their softness and agreeing that they aren’t getting any younger.



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